Not Sure
Current mood: contemplative

Well I do not believe I will make a habit of writing in myspace since i have few friends, fewer viewers, and an affection for xanga

The smiley shows where I am in my life right now

for the most part I feel i am a happy and healthy individual leading a good life, and while i cannot dispute I have multpile luxuries that give me little cause to complain about my station in life, I find I am wanting

My career ambition has been shattered and I have no idea what direction I am going to take in my life or where I will end up as far as a job, i can be content for the time being working at dave and busters but it cannot satisfy my goals in life--the establishment is crap but the people are awesome....

My Friend relationship apparently has all but disappeared due to college separations, preoccupation with significant others, and lack of time.  I can remember a time when highschool was filled with halls of people i was friendly with and could easily go and hang out with.  Those days, and many of those aquaintences are gone.  I have a very few number of good close friends, and even those relationships feel less true than they once did.  I fear heights and darkness, but the most dreaded thing to me is loneliness, unfortunately i see it as quickly becoming a reality....

My love life is virtually non-existent, and as much as i want to say i am just waiting to be more available, the truth is i've made some of the worst romantic decisions since graduating high school...sometimes its harder to actually know my true feelings, but even when i do know them i make bad decisions... from dating a high school girl my sophomore year of college and expecting her to be on the same relationship level as me, to falling for an old highschool friend that i never truely gave my heart to, did no fully appreciate, and let slip away only to realize the complete jerk i was to her and how great she was to me, all the while realizing that i may never find one like her again, and sacrificing that beautiful relationship for a mere whim that faded and left me without options....i dont even know how to date anymore or how to talk to girls, and as ready as i think i am for a family for marriage...i lack the ability to connect with girls---i have regressed to my early highschool/junior high days when i expected the girls to come to me

This is a very interesting time in my life, i always joked that i would have a quarter life crisis...and it turns out that may be exactly what i am facing, but have no idea how to really tackle the issues at hand, and fear i have no where to really turn................................